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Letting Your Child In On The Divorce Situation

by Gene Vasquez

Divorce is undoubtedly an adult situation, but if your child is older than an infant, you may soon face the reality of telling them about your break up. A child's capacity to understand what's going on in mommy and daddy's relationship depends on their age, so some serious thought should go into this event. Plan ahead and make sure you know what you are going to say and how you'll say it. Read on for some ideas that are worth following when the time comes to let your child in on your divorce situation.

It takes two

If you and your spouse have decided that you no longer desire each other's company, it can be somewhat awkward to do things together. Forming a cohesive attitude about divorce when it comes to telling your child is important, however. If you and your spouse can set aside your animosity long enough to talk to your child about your upcoming divorce, it could make your child feel more secure and cause less of an impact on them. The child wants to see that both parents still love and care about them, so form a united front and break the news together. The timing of this talk is important too; time it before the other spouse has moved out but not too far ahead of that event. Your child could forget if this is done too far in advance.

Assure your child

Children often misunderstand what it means to have parents divorcing and they often feel somehow responsible for the break up. Be ready to discuss, in kid appropriate language, how the disagreements are between you two and that nothing the child has done caused it. If you can, assure your child that their living arrangements, school, friends and more will not change as a result of the divorce.

What not to say

Whatever you do, do not tell your child that you and your spouse no longer love each other. Children cannot grasp the subtleties and subtexts of love, and may begin to feel that if you no longer love each other, you may no longer love them either. Other things not to do include:

1. Get emotional and yell, cry, etc.

2. Argue with your spouse (especially during this meeting).

3. Expect your child to understand adult situation that involve infidelity, addiction or financial issues.

4. Blame one another for the divorce.

As bad as a divorce can be for everyone involved, it can be devastating to your child. In many cases, family therapy will assist all concerned with dealing with this situation. Speak to your divorce attorney for more information about issues concerning your child, such as custody, visitation and support. Contact a business such as The Healy Law Firm for more information.     

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